This is a post to express my frustration.
I'm not an angry person. I don't really get angry with other people. I mean, obviously sometimes i do, but it doesn't happen often. If I am going to get angry, it is normally at myself.
And right now, i feel angry because I have literally spent the whole afternoon and evening studying for my lit exam, and i still feel completely unprepared.
i was actually kind of enjoying myself this afternoon. i pulled out my lit book, my tests, and my worksheets. however, i started to feel kind of afraid when i combined all of my notes, from the whole course, into one word document, and saw that it was like, 45 pages long. so that scared me, but did not discourage me. i printed out all 45 pages, and organized all my different stuff on my bed.
it looked something like this (actually it looked exactly like this, except not blurry. but i bet that if i would have had my contacts in, it would have looked blurry too. because they make my eyes water, and everything is just a little bit... watery):
and i had a system going... i would read through the work sheet that talked about what all happened in the era that the unit focused on. then i would read through my notes. and then i would quiz myself using the unit test. and then i would move on to the next one.
so anyways, i was so proud of myself. for the 45 page document. for the stacks of paper. for not losing any of the tests. for remembering to bring my lit book home from school. for actually spending the whole afternoon studying, and not watching a movie or working on a dress or you know, blogging or something.
but the thing is... i spent all afternoon studying. and i still feel unprepared for this exam. i hate this!!!!!!! it's like, no matter how hard i work, or how late i stay up tonight, there will still be questions on that exam that i don't know the answer to. i will not know whether Daniel Defoe was from the Neoclassical period or the Tudor period. and i will not know what colloquialism is. and i will not know what the donkey represents in the Faerie Queene (except that i do actually know that... Spenser uses the donkey to symbolize the church, which is a total slam, btw- see??? i know SOMETHING!!!! but i can almost guarantee you that the things that i know won't be on the test tomorrow.)
And it's kind of embarrassing to admit this... but in my extreme frustration and disappointment in myself, i have taken to listening to Simple Plan's song "Summer Paradise". Just to remind myself that life can be happy, and that english exams are really a very small percentage of my life, and it's not worth freaking out over. but then i remember that although it may take up a very small percentage of my life, it makes up 20% of my final english grade. and then i feel that horrible, panicky feeling in my chest and stomach. the one i get when i know that i'm running out of time, and that there's nothing i can do to make time slow down.
oh well.
i have maybe spent enough time freaking out now. especially since no one really wants to read a whole post in which i complain about my inability to retain information.
this will all be over by lunch time tomorrow.
and then i get to go buy a new coat.
i can do this. =)
wow. my congratulations to you for writing a didactic periphrastic epithet that speaks of how eclectic your studying has been. some would call this soliloquy of yours a metaphysical conceit using an overabundance of hyperbole and litotes which is essentially a mock epic. i, on the other hand, believe that this blog post is full of aphorisms and uses satire appropriately. john dryden would be so proud of you.
ReplyDeleteif anyone other than jas reads this and understands this...you are probably also studying for the english exam tomorrow. either that or you possess a freakish knowledge of common terms in british literature.