Last Christmas

Last Christmas.... 

was basically the same as every other Christmas that I have experienced so far in my life. 

And I never even thought of it. 

That it might be the last Christmas that everything was the same, that everyone was there. 

I contentedly sat on the same bench in the same corner that I sat in every year, enjoying everything, but perhaps not fully appreciating it all. 

This Christmas.... 

we were forced to break tradition. 

And I remembered again that loss is not something that you feel fully right away. It kind of seeps into you after time, and you slowly begin to notice this giant gap in your life. It's when the phone rings in the evening, and you think "I bet that's Nana", but then realize that it isn't. It's having to find a completely new way to celebrate Christmas. 

And we did it. 

We really did. 

It has been a wonderful Christmas so far. =) 

On Sunday, at church, Howard said some really good things in his devotional. 

He talked about the innkeeper. To be completely honest, I forget what he actually said, because I got a little bit caught up in my own thoughts. So that is what I am going to write about. 

So this innkeeper...

I am not convinced that he was a bad guy. 

Somehow, in my head, he had become this nasty, bearded character... one of the bad guys in the Christmas story. A villain, if you will. After all, he had no room for Mary and Joseph (Jesus!) in his establishment. 

But he was just busy, I think. Too busy to pay attention to the tiny, quiet feeling somewhere deep in his being. 

And imagine being him. 

The inn is full. There are literally no rooms left. 

And then there's this couple... they are young and tired and obviously need a place to spend the night. 

But the only way that they could have a room would be if you kicked someone else out, and that just hardly seems quite right either. 

(Okay... so clearly, this guy must have been just a tad hard-hearted... because it seems like you would do your absolute best to help out someone who is obviously going to have a baby very soon. lol. Or it seems like someone else who was around would have maybe noticed what was going on, and could have offered to give up their room for them. What was wrong with these people???? lol. Okay, that is not where I am going with this. Forget that this set of parentheses and all the words inside it ever happened.) 

Maybe he was just thinking too logically. Thinking like a business man. 

Ignoring his heart. 

Maybe deep down, he knew what he should be doing for them. 

Maybe he wanted to give them the best room he had.... 

but he just didn't want it badly enough to actually give it to them. 

So he settled for doing the very least he could possibly do, without actually turning them away. 

The stable.

I am like this innkeeper in so many ways that it is not even funny. 

It's really not. lol. 

So many times, I am busy. I think I am so busy. Too busy to spend THAT much time doing devotions or praying. But there is definitely something in my heart that I feel, letting me know that I should be doing more. There is also a longing to be closer to God... I feel that often. I am not content with who I am right now, or the things that God has already taught me. I want to be more, and know more about Him. I feel that longing... but often, it is so much easier to just do the bare minimum. And I have to ask myself how sincere I actually am, if I am not willing to do more. 

So that was thoughts from Sunday morning. 

And I also had a thought on Sunday evening. We went Christmas caroling and a phrase from "It Came Upon The Midnight Clear" stood out to me and Kaylin. The phrase was referring to the angels that announced Jesus' birth to the shepherds, and said this: "still through the cloven skies they came". We noticed it because we didn't know exactly what the word cloven meant. But after discussing it later (and asking my mom. lol.) and looking it up in a dictionary when I got home, we found out that it means split. And I just think that is so cool. 

So I guess we don't know how everything literally played out that night. 

But whether it happened literally or just figuratively, the sky between heaven and earth definitely split, and heaven's radiance beamed down on earth. I love this thought. I usually think of the sky as being what separates our little earth from the rest of the giant universe, which in my head, is kind of where God exists. I know... God is everywhere. But I think of heaven as being out there somewhere. And what is amazing is the thought that for a brief period of time... that divider was eliminated. There was nothing separating heaven and earth. If it didn't happen literally, it did happen figuratively. Jesus, who was completely holy, and who came from heaven, was placed on earth. Heaven and earth were connected in a way that they never had been before. 

Because of a perfect baby, who was placed in a manger and wrapped in rags. 

And you know what? 

Jesus' birth was not the only time that God bridged the distance between heaven and earth. 

It happened again, 33 years later at his death, when the curtain in the temple was torn. The holiest place was exposed... anyone who chose to could access it. 

I love that God loves us enough to give us that choice. That the fact that we fail, and are stubborn, and love the wrong things is not enough to convince Him to give up on us, and completely cut Himself off from us. I love that He loved us back then, when Jesus was born, and He still loves us now. 

And I think He wants us to close the distance between us and Him. 

After all, He made it possible. 

He has done more than His part in reaching out to us. In fact, He made incredible sacrifices for us. 

And then He placed the rest of the responsibility in our hands, to do with as we please. 

It's up to us. 

Doesn't thinking about this just kind of make you want to be the very best Christian you can be? To serve and obey Him as completely as you can?? 

The cloven skies.... 

Nothing between God and me... 

That is the way it should be.