Chaucer, Drydon, Woolf, Pope, Gray, Hardy, Burns, Watts, Bede, Wordsworth, Lamb.... I could go on...

This is a post to express my frustration.

I'm not an angry person. I don't really get angry with other people. I mean, obviously sometimes i do, but it doesn't happen often. If I am going to get angry, it is normally at myself.

And right now, i feel angry because I have literally spent the whole afternoon and evening studying for my lit exam, and i still feel completely unprepared.

i was actually kind of enjoying myself this afternoon. i pulled out my lit book, my tests, and my worksheets. however, i started to feel kind of afraid when i combined all of my notes, from the whole course, into one word document, and saw that it was like, 45 pages long. so that scared me, but did not discourage me. i printed out all 45 pages, and organized all my different stuff on my bed.

it looked something like this (actually it looked exactly like this, except not blurry. but i bet that if i would have had my contacts in, it would have looked blurry too. because they make my eyes water, and everything is just a little bit... watery):

and i had a system going... i would read through the work sheet that talked about what all happened in the era that the unit focused on. then i would read through my notes. and then i would quiz myself using the unit test. and then i would move on to the next one.

so anyways, i was so proud of myself. for the 45 page document. for the stacks of paper. for not losing any of the tests. for remembering to bring my lit book home from school. for actually spending the whole afternoon studying, and not watching a movie or working on a dress or you know, blogging or something.

but the thing is... i spent all afternoon studying. and i still feel unprepared for this exam. i hate this!!!!!!! it's like, no matter how hard i work, or how late i stay up tonight, there will still be questions on that exam that i don't know the answer to. i will not know whether Daniel Defoe was from the Neoclassical period or the Tudor period. and i will not know what colloquialism is. and i will not know what the donkey represents in the Faerie Queene (except that i do actually know that... Spenser uses the donkey to symbolize the church, which is a total slam, btw- see??? i know SOMETHING!!!! but i can almost guarantee you that the things that i know won't be on the test tomorrow.)

And it's kind of embarrassing to admit this... but in my extreme frustration and disappointment in myself, i have taken to listening to Simple Plan's song "Summer Paradise". Just to remind myself that life can be happy, and that english exams are really a very small percentage of my life, and it's not worth freaking out over. but then i remember that although it may take up a very small percentage of my life, it makes up 20% of my final english grade. and then i feel that horrible, panicky feeling in my chest and stomach. the one i get when i know that i'm running out of time, and that there's nothing i can do to make time slow down.

oh well.

i have maybe spent enough time freaking out now. especially since no one really wants to read a whole post in which i complain about my inability to retain information.

this will all be over by lunch time tomorrow.

and then i get to go buy a new coat.

i can do this. =)

"For this is God's will for you..."

So i hate Wednesdays. let it be known. and they come around so often... it feels like i go through

two wednesdays for every tuesday that rolls around(i love tuesdays!).

for six days of the week, i try to be a generally pleasant person to be around, and maintain a positive attitude.

but for some reason, every time that wednesday comes around, i allow myself to be grumpy, and worried, and untalkative.

this morning was no different.

i really didn't want to get out of bed.

and i had to wash my hair.

plus, i was dreading accounting.

and anabaptist history.

and the lit test that i had completely forgotten about. (except that at that point, i had not yet remembered that i had forgotten about it, but still... i had a feeling that i should be dreading lit for some reason. turns out i was right. always trust your gut feeling...)

and choir.

and i definitely didn't feel like playing basketball at lunch.

and since my classes today were accounting, anabaptist history, lit, and choir (with some basketball thrown in there at lunch), i was not looking forward to this day. plus, i was kind of angry that it wasn't a snow day. (yes, i deal with this anger pretty much every single morning.)

and so i resentfully got out of bed and got ready for school.

but the thing is, i had a really good day. like, an amazing day. i don't know how my day could have been better! (unless, of course, i had studied for the lit test. that would have improved my day- as well as my grade- by like, 20% or something). i came home feeling so happy, which was the opposite of how i was feeling when i left home this morning. this stood out to me because i have just kind of accepted that wednesdays are destined to be bad days for me, and i don't even try to make them good days. i don't even notice the good things that happen on wednesdays, because i'm so busy focusing on the things that i hate about them!

but when i got home from school today, i started thinking about this. and wondering why, exactly, i thought it was okay to just allow myself to feel grumpy, simply because i dislike my schedule for the day.

and then i found this Bible verse: "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." -1 Thess. 5:16-18

notice how it doesn't say "be joyful on mondays, tuesdays, thursdays, fridays, saturdays, and sundays? it says to be joyful always! and that includes Wednesdays! and any other day that i might be dreading, for whatever reason.

it also says to give thanks in ALL circumstances! in fact, it says that it is God's will for us to give thanks in all circumstances. and this really stood out to me, because it seems like lately, i've spent a lot of time thinking about God's will for me, and praying that He would help me follow His will, and that i would be able to see it.

But this verse directly states God's will for me (for ALL of His people!). He wants us to be joyful, and to give thanks in every situation! even on wednesdays! even when we don't feel like we have anything to be thankful for!

so from now on, i'm gonna do my best to remember to always be joyful.

and it totally helps that this was the last wednesday in semester one, which means that i will soon have a completely new schedule.

but even if it was only the third wednesday of semester one, and i was just realizing that wednesdays are long, hard days, i would still try to have a better attitude about them.

this doesn't just apply to wednesdays. it applies to whatever part of your life seems unbearable or scary or unpleasant.

today was just a good reminder to me that God has made every day! and if God has made every day, i need to glorify Him as much as i possibly can every single day.

in other news... this was waiting for me when i got home from school tonight!! so exciting!!!

it's my new bed, in case you couldn't tell!

details to follow shortly. =) (in my big, happy, end-of-january post! can't wait for january to be over so that i can write about everything that has happened to me this month! it's been a good one!)

I call it... Path of Sunshine!!!

in a world like this one (one where accounting and monopoly can be combined), we all need a path of sunshine.

or just a really good reason to not go to school for the next week.

either works for me.

Welcome, 2012! I've Been Expecting You!

So 2011 is officially over (has been for three days now... i'm just a little slow on the draw...) and 2012 is here!

i was cleaning out my room the other day (getting ready for the new bed, you know), and i came across a piece of paper with some verses written on it. and once i read the verses, i realized why i had gone to the work of copying them down! it was because they were awesome verses, and seemed especially fitting for beginning another year! (now if only i hadn't let that piece of paper slip behind my dresser... i bet that i would be a much better person if i had reminded myself of these verses every day!)

so without further ado... i present to you 2Peter 1: 3-11.

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. for this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins. Therefore my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."

so really, i don't have a whole lot to say, because these verses do such a good job of presenting the challenge that we are to take from them. These verses are basically my new years resolution for 2012, although i know that the qualities that are listed here are things that i will be working on for the rest of my life.

Things to Work on In 2012:

• My Faith: this year is gonna bring a lot of changes for me... and as excited as i am about that, i'm also pretty scared. i think part of faith is trusting in God wholeheartedly, even when it feels like your future is uncertain or not working out the way that you wanted it to. Even if you want something and it feels like God isn't giving it to you. Faith means trusting that God has a plan, and taking the opportunities that He sends your way!
• Goodness: I am a bad person. i see it displayed in my life every single day. The things that i think... the things i say... the things i want... the things i enjoy watching and listening to... why is it so much easier to be bad than good?? gotta work on that...
• Knowledge: I want to grow in my knowledge of God by spending more time talking to Him, listening to Him, and reading His Word.
• Self-control: This is an area that i have always struggled with... and it affects so many parts of my life! And every time i fail, i disappoint God and myself, and it's a terrible feeling!
• Perseverance: Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever give up! =)
• Godliness: so the greek word for this is "Eusebia", which literally means "to worship well" and "to be very devout".
• Brotherly Kindness: yeah, i need to work on this too! man, there's so many areas of my life that i need to work on... it's a little bit overwhelming! but i think that brotherly kindness SHOULD be one of the easiest ways for a Christian to glorify God! Serving our fellow Christians... showing that we care about them... treating everyone respectfully... God loves each of us equally and enormously! The least we can do for eachother and the world is demonstate that love through our actions.
• Love: a level higher than brotherly kindness- to not just treat every one kindly, but to love them. Like God does. BECAUSE God does. And also to let that love show through our actions.

I guess that my resolution for 2012 is to glorify God with everything that i do, and make sure that my relationship with Him is carried over into every single aspect of my life.

Happy New Year, Everybody! Hopefully you are as excited about 2012 as i am!

Joy and Shannon- Two of the Awesomest!

This is a post about Joy and Shannon. (Apparently, once you do a blog about one of your friends, you also have to post something for all your other favourite people, so that everyone knows that they are loved and appreciated equally! =)) Joy and Shannon totally deserve a blog post though, cause they have been my friends since like, the very beginning of my life. our families have been getting together on new years eve (or sometime close to that) for as long as i can remember! we've had lots of good times together! like hanging out on shannon's water bed when we were young... laughing like crazy about things like cherry tomatoes.... just talking about our lives (lol a quote from shannon: "I just got kissed in a dark van on a missions trip." the story behind that is truly hilarious... i would try to retell it, but it wouldn't be nearly as funny as when Shannon told it. Basically, the moral of the story is this: never let a drunk twelve-year-old sit on your lap. remember that.)... discussing our futures (a quote from joy: "I've decided that i'm not quite sure what i'm going to do next year." that girl will go amazing places. =))

anyways, these are some pictures from last friday night.

sometimes they are silly.

A lot of the time... they are silly.

as you can see, they are also very cute. ;)

i'm so excited about all the fun times we're gonna have together in the future!

and i totally think that the three of us should hang out more than like, once a year. =)